13 March 2009
so for the sake of full disclosure i watch the view in the morning while i drink my second cup of coffee. its whatever its just something i do cause normally by that point i've already watched sportscenter twice and any more then that would just be overkill, but i digress. today, heidi and spencer from the hills were on. why i'm not exactly sure. at first i thought they were coming on to discuss republican ideology with elisabeth mainly because they are the only quasi-famous republican supporters i can think of off the top of my head. alas, they were only there to hype the new season of the hills but that kind of made it interesting at the same time. spencer and heidi got owned by the ladies on the view. like barbara and crew completely ethered them on the preposterous nature of the show and they more less called the show retarted but said so in much nicer terms. they started off by asking questions about the marriage because on the last season of the hills spencer and heidi absconded to mexico to get married but returned to america only to find out that their marriage was not legit because it happened in mexico and then they went to the courthouse to get a real legal one but then spencer didn't say i do and thats more or less how the season ended. so the ladies were like "what's up. whens the wedding?" and spencer and heidi were all like "oh well you know spencer doesn't get along with heidi's mother so we're kinda stalled and its just all very stressful blah blah blah etc etc." so whoopi was like why don't you stop acting like a jackass and go to colorado and make nice with heidi's mom and then get married to which spencer said that was just one of the problems facing the impending marriage because picking out flowers is difficult y'all. this was actually the only whoopi spoke during the whole interview and one point admitted that she did not understand why spiedi were famous or what they were doing on the show which only confirms why whoopi is the best one and this time it has nothing to do with the fact that she still smokes pot. and then sherri followed that by pointing out that if its already getting too stressful how exactly do they plan on getting married since you know that shit is stressful and what not. and then speidi were like well we're still young so we don't want to rush anything and we don't want kids yet or anything which led joy to say why so why would you want to get married then in the first place unless this is just some elaborate ploy for the heads at MTV. that was kind of great cause it clearly knocked speidi back on their heels a little bit. and then barbara finally asked whether or not the show was real and even though any faithful reader of perez knows that it is not. speidi insisted that it was all legitimate. and then spencer got on a soap box and started talking about how everything is totally real and how the paparazzi manufactures on all these fake elements to take away from their actual lives or some shit like that. an interesting response to say the least because if you're like me and comb the gossip blogs then you know damn well that they call paparazzi themselves because how else are there photographers on a deserted beach while they cavort around pretending to film music videos. or like that one time they just happened to be taking karate lessons and paps just happened to be there. and that doesn't even include the fake honeymoon pictures from the fake wedding which included one picture of heidi straight up bent over as she got out of a pool. desperate much? but by the far the best staged pap shots had to be the ones where spencer is wearing a flannel shirt with a hunting rifle slung over his shoulder while carrying a 6 pack of budweiser and heidi is carrying a bible and coincidentally enough they both are wearing mccain shirts. i mean are we as the general public supposed to believe that the paps have some sort of ESP and thats how they know how to be there? you would think for two people who earn $65,000 a piece for each episode of a fake reality show in which they appear they wouldn't be so hard up for attention, but then again they star in a fake reality show. i will concede that today has been a bit of a slow news day, and that this week's american idol was a little underwhelming but at the same time the ladies on the view are not exactly anderson cooper so its not like they ask hard hitting questions but rather fairly basic ones so even while they lobbed softballs speidi was whiffing. its a sad state of affairs.