26 June 2009

This is terrible. Awful. Its a nightmare, and it is really happening. He was the KING. There was nobody better than he, and words will never come close to doing him justice. The closest thing we have to an equal is Kanye, and honestly there is still a big gap between the two. MJ was the best, and he had held it down since he was first introduced to the public as a member of the Jackson 5 back when he was just a child. And thats the thing. He was always trying to preserve his youth because in a way he never had a childhood, and since some didn't understand that they persecuted him for it. They got caught up in some other bullshit, and they forgot about the music. They started treating Michael like any other celebrity, but he wasn't. He was the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world. His music spans generations, and in one way or another has affected everything we know about music. Hip hop would blow if it weren't for Michael Jackson. Indie rock would suck if it weren't for Michael Jackson. Pop music played on the radio would be completely unlistenable if it weren't for Michael Jackson. Music videos wouldn't even exist anymore if it weren't for Michael Jackson. At this time there are assholes making jokes and douche bags are pretending not to care, and while that is deplorable this is so much bigger than that. He's gone. He didn't even have time to get his cryogenic freezer ready because this happened so fast.(Bad Joke. My Apologies.)  Michael was the greatest. Lil' Wayne nailed it on the head when he said that today was not just a sad day for music but a sad day for history. MJ influenced everything. He was an unparalleled talent who at times really seemed to be from another planet. He was just that good. Men wanted to dance like him, and gals wanted to dance with him. The best ever, and thats positively and definitely a fact. 

25 June 2009

22 June 2009

Been downloading an alarming amount of mixtapes in the last few days as last.fm can attest to. Didn't even go out on Friday because of intense anticipation for Wale's Back to the Feature. Scored two B.o.B./Bobby Ray mixtapes in the last two days. Found the Slaughterhouse mix the other day on the nets. Some thoughts on all this. Back to the Feature is a pretty dope mixtape. Its Wale rapping with a bunch of other dudes. Doesn't prove a whole a lot as far as Wale being the best MC in the game, but it does show that Wale can spit rhymes with anyone and he can rap about any subject. For a while on the internets, there wasn't a whole lot of B.o.B./Bobby Ray to be found. Sure, he had mad buzz from the tastemakers but there weren't a whole lot of tracks up for downloading. Pretty much the most newsworthy thing he did was changing his name from B.o.B. to Bobby Ray. The first mixtape, Who the Fuck is B.o.B.?, was a collection of everything he had released up to this point but what made the tape special was the fact that there were no DJ drops anywhere on it. Today, the hotly anticipated B.o.B. vs Bobby Ray dropped. Both albums are tight. This dude is real talented. He seems to be a multi-instrumentalist with a love jones for hip hop. Suppose the mixtape is destined to be good since B.o.B. was a member of the Class of 09. Well that, and the dude really does sound an awful lot like Andre 3000. Starting to wonder whether B.o.B.'s popularity can be attributed to our nation's lack of Outkast over these last few years. Either way, Bobby Ray is definitely in the top half of the class of 09 right after Wale, Blu, and Kid Cudi. When breaking down the Class of 09, all one has to do is use Charles Hamilton as the midpoint. Rappers are either better than Charles Hamilton or they are worse. While on the subject, this writer does not hate Charles Hamilton. His production skills are nice, and he's quasi-insightful at times. That being said, dude never goes hard. You never hear a Charles Hamilton song and afterwards say "Man, Sonic owned that shit." He's not a murderer so he won't murder the beat no matter how much the beat is screaming "Murder me." Not only that, but when he raps he sounds like that dude It from all those VH1 reality shows. But at the end of the day, Charles Hamilton should get some props for forging his own path. Can't knock his hustle. On the flip side of that, it wouldn't be totally out of bounds to categorize Asher Roth as a failure. He had America by the ball sack, and then all of the sudden he didn't. Everything went flat very quickly. The album sucked for the most part, but at the same time was that a surprise. Greenhouse Effect was a nice lil' mixtape, but Asher really blew up because of his freestyle of "A Milli". He went in hard on that beat, and had some real nice lines. Now one year later, it is becoming abundantly more clear that we as listeners probably should not put as much stock in "A Milli" freestyles as we once did. Same thing goes for Cory Gunz. He demolished "A Milli" to the point that Wayne had to re-record and re-release the song because Cory went so bananas over the first version. But what's he doing now? He's got this weekly thing with RapRadar where he rhymes over a different song every week and they post it, and thats about it. No mixtapes. No album. No music videos. No nothing. The rest of the cats from the 09 Class haven't really done anything. Mickey Factz hasn't released anything at all, but he's produced some other shit and this summer he's on the Rock the Bells tour so he gets a pass. Ace Hood might have done something or maybe not. Its hard to tell. Same thing for Curren$y. To be fair, both of them are in kind of a weird place because they were both somewhat known and affiliated before they were named to the class so its a bit harder to gauge their progress. At the end of the day, there's still a chance that XXL got the whole thing wrong. Drake was nowhere to be seen on that list, and he's basically blown up already. He's got a Wayne co-sign, and as an added bonus he can actually rhyme.  
I feel like this song came out like a hundred blog years ago, but I think its only been two months. Does that mean that this is standard operating procedure? Release a song, and then two months later the video is ready. Thinking about it, thats really not that bad considering the gap that exists for others. For a song that seems to be all about swagger this video is curious to say the least. There's a dark nightclub setting with some ladies scattered about which kind of creates the impression that this is a very exclusive party. Pusha T, Kanye, and Malice all spit their verses in stairwells and elevators which I guess is supposed to imply that they had to sneak away from the insanity that is this party in order to rap. Video is OK, the song is still pretty good.

21 June 2009

Sorry about all the videos lately, but shit why not? Trying to get back to writings, but some days its just not there. Something clever soon. Watched this the other day, and watched it again today. Pretty dope, but then again maybe it has more to do with the fact that this is some Brooklyn shit and I'll be in Brooklyn in about two weeks. 

20 June 2009

via http://cyanatrendland.com/2009/06/15/alice-in-wonderland-by-annie-leibovitz/

While I'm not one to dwell or anything like that, Animal Collective has really been on my mind. The last post hinted at it, but its true they're totally awesome. I was reflecting on this fact at work yesterday, and I had a realization. The last time I was this enamored with a band was back when I first started listening to Radiohead. So with that in mind, here is this, and if a reason needs to be given then how about because it is Saturday and because Radiohead is still cool.

18 June 2009

First off, Animal Collective is beyond awesome. Totally totally rad. Blog years ago, the internet was waiting with bated breath for Merriweather Post Pavilion to come out. There was a supposed leak and little odds and ends kept popping up, and then the album finally came out. It was only January, and people were hailing it as the album of the year. Now a few months have passed, and everyone has been able to calm down and will all probably agree that Grizzly Bear's Veckatimest is the best album of 09 so far. (Writer's Note: I really love Bat for Lashes' Two Suns so I feel at least somewhat obligated to campaign for it to be the album of 09, but at the same time I've really dug Veckatimest and Merriweather Post Pavilion so at this juncture I would have to say its a three-way tie.) While experiences may differ for this writer the first time listening to MPP was one of the most exciting sessions ever. It started off with this slow creep that kind of sounded like something from Pink Floyd but still sounded totally like Animal Collective. And then "My Girls" came on and so on and so forth this album is fucking rad. While everyone rejoiced that civilization was fortunate enough to have a band like Animal Collective, there were still snarky-ass hipster douche bags who complained that the band was no longer as authentic as they once were because the album was accessible to the ear. On the internet, it almost became this game to show how authentic one was. The way to play was to start talking about how you have listened to Animal Collective since the very beginning and while you have always loved them you believe that Sung Tongs is their best work and since then they have slowly been inching towards superstardom. (Writer's Note: I started listening to AnCo because of two things. 1. I got a copy of Panda Bear's Person Pitch and I really dug it. and 2. There was this girl, and...) MPP was so good that it was causing people to freak out and engage in thinking like that. It was just so bizarre as more and more started saying that AnCo was becoming this mainstream entity. Like all of the sudden there was nothing strange going on. But clearly that wasn't the case. They were on Letterman a few weeks back, and while they performed they were flanked by these wild-looking dancers in the background. Well, the dancers are back as the music video for "Summertime Clothes" has now been released. Its a visually striking piece that doesn't necessarily attack your senses but rather strokes and tickles it while you feel very warm inside. 

15 June 2009

12 June 2009

Part 4
Francis ended up knocking back most of that moonshine by himself, which was fine because Harry and I didn't need much to get twisted and also its scientifically that drinking is beneficial to an individual coming down from a hallucinatory experience. The booze allows the subject to get a better handle on the situation. Houdini drank several bottles of wine as did I, and as a result the wrestling match was inevitable. The monstrous fire was also unavoidable, and then we were out of hooch namely because we needed of some it to get our fire up to a proper height. And at that point, Harry said that he knew of a place with more alcohol, and that if we were willing to walk then we could have it in no time. We embarked into the woods once again, but this time our outfit had picked up another member. I discovered that the woods eventually end at some point, and there is an expansive ocean that goes on for miles. Harry began motioning towards the left as to indicate that it was the way to go, but I stalled as my attention was focused on what I saw in the horizon. There was a large, black shape that was somewhat hard to define, but it looked a lot like a ship of some sort. As it approached, it became more and more real and more and more unbelievable at the same time. It was massive black ship with a black mast and black sails. It looked like it was as big as the Death Star, and more remarkably yet it appeared to be constructed entirely out of wood. It continued to sail in, and finally I was able to focus my gaze on the passengers standing on deck. While it didn't seem feasible for a crew of professional wrestlers to be out sailing in the middle of nowhere, my mind began to race in an attempt to figure out who exactly was riding on that ship and then all of the sudden it made sense. The helmets with the horns protruding from the sides, and those beards. The beards on these men hung down to their chests, and when paired with helmets all anyone could see other then hair was their beady little eyes. But that was a bit beside the point, as it was officially setting in that we were about to be face to face with VIKINGS! A great change was suddenly taking place, and I wondered how equipped we were to handle it. Conservatively speaking, there may be at least 40 Vikings and then there was Harry, Francis, and myself and were a little shaky to say the least. The Viking ship arrived on the shore, and immediately warriors began jumping off the side of the boat. They walked slowly towards us, and as they moved they were scanning the area as they took in the scenery. We held our ground because booze gives you courage. There was an awkward silence made even stranger by the fact that vikings are not reasonable people. They do not listen, and they do not offer explanations. They take shit. They burn shit, and right the three of us standing on the shore looked like a steaming pile of shit waiting to be took.

10 June 2009

Part 3
Its one thing to encounter Sasquatch in the middle of an familiar forest, and then subsequently witness his transformation into Francis all while under the sway of a serious acid trip. It took a few hours to get used to, but at this point its become a walk in the park. It had been been approaching morning time, but that was before these trees swallowed the sunlight. And that was before we ran into Harry Houdini. Harry Houdini was standing right in front of us. His hair was black and had the consistency  akin to a worn-out Brillo pad and it was parted down the middle. His eyes popped out of his face slightly, and the shear blueness of them was enough to make anyone marvel. He wasnt very tall and he was wearing a long coat over his tie and shirt, and yet there he stood looking up at us with a smile that looked painted on. His voice was heavily accented. "I did not KNOW, where to GO, after my, last SHOW." After hearing that, I was almost half-expecting to hear him say, "Oooh, fishy, fishy, fishy fish! That where ever I did go." He was serious, though. He had never died. It was a hoax, and he had been living in the deep recesses of the woods ever since. He faked the whole appendicitis thing, and then to make sure that he would forever be shrouded in mystery he started sneaking into towns incognito and whispering tales of a conspiracy theory that involved the Spiritualists. He had to scavenge for food and what not, but he was the greatest escape artist in the history of man so it was more like every night he had to creep out into civilization on knock over a bakery or maybe a fruit stand. He used to break out of prisons for fun so snatching loaves of bread and apples and oranges isn't too tasking. I had to light a cigarette at this point, and when I do so Houdini stared at me inquisitively. I asked him if he wanted one, and he nodded eagerly. Being a chivalrous fellow, I provided a light for the good man. Houdini took long, exaggerated pulls off of the cigarette. He coughed a little after the first drag, but then smirked as if he had meant to do it. He then stepped towards Francis, and squeezed on of the big, hairless nipples. Francis then picked up Houdini, and the miracle maker scampered out of the Sasquatch's grasp and finagled his way onto its back. He pulled himself up, and was standing on Francis' shoulders. He proceeded to flip front wards off of Francis' shoulders, and landed on the ground gracefully. "Indeed, I am Harry Houdini. I can escape from anything including the clutches of your friend here," he said and then laughed to himself a little. He started walking towards the hut he had crafted for himself. It was a house made of leaves, and the walls were fortified by mud. Houdini did another flip, and then bowed slightly. "Are there are any more spectators?," he asked while looking around the landscape. Francis and I both shook our heads indicating no, and to this Houdini's smile widened. "Well, in that case we shall have ourselves some fun," he said and the darted quickly into his hut. He reemerged with a large jug that looked to be moonshine, and then pointed to a crate that appeared to be filled with bottles of red wine. 

08 June 2009

I swear that I will add more to the Sasquatch/LSD epic unless its coming across as stupid or contrived and then in that case we'll just have to find something different but I just came across this and I wanted to share. Pitchfork has an interview with Natasha Khan a.k.a. Bat for Lashes, and its a nice lil' read. I don't think this has come up yet, but I totally adore Two Suns and have really been digging Bat for Lashes as of late. After reading this interview, I have discovered that Natasha Khan is even radder then I had previously realized. In the interview, she mentions Last Exit to Brooklyn twice which just so happens to be my all-time favorite book. There is also talk about the Velvet Underground who just happen to be one of my all-time fav bands. She mentions both The Wrestler and Buffalo 66 as movies she has enjoyed, and holy smokes I totally dig those movies as well. And she talks about opening for Radiohead who coincidentally are one of the greatest live acts I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Pitchfork Interview with Bat for Lashes

07 June 2009

Part 2. A day late, but as always more later on.
"No, the water is not changing colors. Its the sun rising. Its almost morning," I tell Francis. Francis was formerly known as the Sasquatch, but after spending his twilight hours roaming the forest with a stomach full of acid he determined that he needed a new name and he settled on Francis. I like it personally. Its an androgynous name, and that is really fitting because the Sasquatch lives a virtually sexless existence which is why there is basically only one of them. Francis seems to see the world differently. He has been in love with nature and Mother Earth for so long that he can't imagine loving anything else. This planet is all he lives for. And that works for Francis. Based on how much sun I see coming from up over the tree-line I would speculate that it is about 6. Over the last five hours, I have witnessed the Many Moods of the Sasquatch including the already mentioned Re-invention phase where they christen themselves with a new name. When we started out on this journey, I was able to talk Francis into letting me ride on his back. He eagerly accepted, and became quite excited almost immediately which led me to believe that the LSD was really kicking in now. The only hold-up was that he wouldn't stand still long enough for me to get onto his back. He was darting from one side of the forest to the other. Picking up every leaf and branch he saw, and touching and climbing every tree he encountered. If there was water then there had to be a splash. And Francis was just giggling incessantly the entire time. At one point I asked what was so funny, and he replied, "I am lost within myself." Despite the circumstances, I was never really worried or concerned. I just let go. Yeah, I was lost in the woods, and Indeed I was standing next to the Sasquatch, but I finally got to a point where I realized that I don't get paid enough to worry and since I don't paid at all then I'm not going to worry at all. What's the worst that could happen? In hindsight, that was an easy decision to make since at that point we hadn't moved for nearly an hour and a half because Francis was to enthralled with the scene. He started to mellow out after that, and then we went through a period where he drank water and I smoked cigarettes and he pulled trees out of the ground and I smoked more cigarettes and then it was back for more water and that was followed by pulling more trees out of the ground. Then we took a siesta of sorts, and we just sat on two tree stumps. This was also the point that the Sasquatch was re-christened as Francis. It was really a lovely ceremony. He said that he needed to escape the shackles of oppression that came with being known as the Sasquatch, and that he wanted to try something new. Basically, he wanted to change his personal brand into something more natural to make him more accessible to the people. At the heart of all that hair and mass, there is really just a bro who wants to be seen as "chill" so that he can be comfortable with his personal brand. While Francis was stacking trees and sprinkling them with leaves in an attempt to build a cottage, it occurred to me that we had been walking aimlessly for hours paying no regard whatsoever to what direction we were walking. I was lost in the woods to begin with, but now even Francis would be hard-pressed to know where we are with his being on acid and all. The path was becoming markedly more narrow, and the trees are even taller in these parts and they seem to stretch all the way across the sky completely erasing the sun from the picture. As we descend down the new path, a horde of bats come tearing out of the woods and if bats are out during the day for this shit then there must be something else hidden in this nook of the forest.

05 June 2009

short story time. part 1 of who knows how many more, but part 2 tomorrow?
"Oh, let's just go for a hike in the woods. It'll be fun, and we'll be glad that we did it later on." That's the line of thinking that has brought me here. Shit. It sounded alright in theory, but that was before the rain factored itself in. And then the pond overflowed. And then when that happened, we took off in separate directions because the water was overflowing and I cant swim and I panicked because, shit, I dont want to get my cigarettes wet. And now I'm here. My cell phone died a while ago, but based on the utter darkness around me I would speculate that it is about 10:30 or maybe 11. With all these trees and this foliage its kind of hard to tell. I'm at a point of complete exhaustion, and I see a massive orange-y blur up ahead. From here its just this bulbous flame which has me optimistic because that means its probably a controlled fire and not a potential forest fire or anything like that. It also means, that, someone else is here. Once I'm around this bend of the forest, I will be in contact with another person for the first time, in well, only a couple of hours, but thats beside the point. It means I'm not alone here. Oh look, it's a hippie. Bandanna, long hair, no shirt, no shoes. Based on some confirmed stereotypes it would suggest that what we have here is a definite hippie. Its best to be quiet when approaching a hippie. It appears that there is also someone else because I can see a faint sketch farther on down the road. This new third party is coming more into focus now, and its massive. I say "it" because this thing is huge. On the plus side, I may have just found the next great professional wrester. We could call him "Backwoods", and we would market him as an extreme wrestler. Cage matches and street brawls, and Backwoods would always bring his trademark two by four and someone would always get their nose broken and the people would love that. It would be a guarantee that along with the price of admission, you will also most definitely witness an individual getting smacked directly in the face with a piece of lumber. We can't say how the match is going to go, but we can promise there will be some blood. The people would love it, but with that in mind I'm going to hold back until I can figure out who this new dude is, because he is creeping near. The hippie and "Backwoods" are now facing one another. "Backwoods" towers over the hippie. The hippie could have another hippie of equal size standing on his shoulders and he still wouldn't be eye to eye with "Backwoods". "Backwoods" may not be the name for him after all because now that I can see him in the light it seems that Chewbacca would be more appropriate. That, or SASQUATCH! The Sasquatch is bearing down on the hippie as they stand in front of the fire. He is hairy from head to toe except for at the nipple and torso region. No hairy nipples for Sasquatch. His arms are the size of motor cycles. He has such a hulking frame its hard to tell when they're at his side, but his arms are fucking huge. He has hands on the hippie, and his fur mitts completely encompass the hippie and it looks like the Sasquatch is lifting him off of the ground. Indeed, he is. The Sasquatch has just lifted the hippie off the ground and it looks like the Sasquatch has finally found the burrito he's been looking for. All is still for a second, and then Sasquatch bites down on the hippie like a piece of jerky and voraciously consumes the poor fellow. Sasquatch takes a step back as he attempts to digest. I should offer him a cigarette. Nothing better for after a meal than a cigarette. He has a Birkenstock stuck on one corner of his beard, but he doesn't seem to notice. He is swaying back and forth, and he's shaking his head back and forth like he is being forced to listen to Yanni. He's groaning, but its not like the kind of groan you make when you take a shit. This groan is more similar to the grown you make when you're waking up at dawn after a night of heavy drinking and skirt chasing. The grunts and groans are getting louder now, and I'm starting to think that something has gone very wrong. Now Sasquatch isn't moving. Totally catatonic. He moves his head slowly as if he has never seen the area before. I can't stand kneeling behind this bush any longer. It's very wet back here, and I'm starting to think that now is a good as a time as ever to make my move past him. I'll just get up, and in one swift move, take off down this hill and I'll blow right past the mythical creature. I come barreling down the hill, and I'm not looking at the fire or Sasquatch or any of it. I'm just going to run right into the darkness. The Sasquatch still isn't moving as I sprint by, but before I get too far I suddenly come to a halt. "Stop," he said. "Don't run away." I turn around, and Sasquatch is standing with his arms extended. I can't say that I'm surprised that Sasquatch spoke, and while it may not be the best of ideas to walk towards him that is what I am going to do. As I get closer to him, I notice something that I hadn't been able to before. His eyes have a glazed over look to them, and his pupils are severely dilated. His face screams bewilderment and pleasant amusement simultaneously. Sasquatch, one of nature's best kept secrets, is tripping on acid. The hippie must have been tripping so that when Sasquatch ate the hippie he must have digested whatever acid was in the hippie's system.  "I don't have the faintest idea of what is going. My mind is racing, and my body feels all warm and tingly. I actually feel great, but I don't know why I feel so great and that troubles me. I'm seeing more colors than I have ever before. Maybe there are magic fish in the pond. Maybe we can find the magic fish, and then eat the magic fish and the we could become magic!" The Sasquatch turns out to be an excellent speaker who articulates himself very well. 
"Relax. This has the potential to be the most exhilarating experience of your life. It could also be the most terrifying, but its up to you as to which way its going to go," I said.
"What will I do?," he asked.
"We'll hang out here in the woods. We'll sing songs. We'll talk. We'll get to know one another better," I said as calmly as possible in a lame attempt to convince myself that if I sounded calm that would make him calm and then we both would be calm. This going to require a really good plan like a plan so good that it would have been used in Heat.  

03 June 2009

This may be premature, but Wale looks like he is about to arrive. The video for the first single off the new album just debuted, and perhaps I'm biased but it looks real good. The song is called "Chillin", and it features Lady Gaga on the hook. I think what I dig most about this video is that its a DC video. DC has never had an MC to call their own, but those days are about over because Wale is claiming that mantle. There are shots of the Capital in this video, and there are also a few glimpses of Ben's Chili Bowl so you know for certain this is a DC thing and for the real observant if you look real hard you can see Anwan Glover a.k.a Big G from WPGC a.k.a Slim Charles from The Wire chillin' at a table. I heard Wale on 93.9 KYS FM the other day, and he said that this video is going to be the MTV jam of the week or some shit like that. Basically it just means that this video will get some serious spin on MTV although they don't play music videos anymore which means that we get to watch 15 second clips play during the credits of all our favorite MTV shows.

01 June 2009

Its 11 in the morning, and he has yet to arrive for our appointment that was scheduled for sometime between 10:30 and 10:45. He was insistent that we meet here at this Greek coffee house, but only if we could meet in the morning. He said that would be the only time he would be willing to sit still. He enters from the side gate, and as he approaches the table he weaves in and out of the path of the oncoming waiters. He walks with a strange, little bounce in his step. To say that he merely walks on his tip-toes would be too dismissive. He finally arrives at the table, and sidles into an open seat. He doesn't say anything, but rather attempts to scan the entire room for familiar faces. His eyes move lazily from left to right back to the left again before he adjusts himself in his chair. He slouches down slightly giving the impression that he yearns to be parallel to the floor. Another quick glance around the room this time followed by the lighting of a cigarette and then another self-adjustment. After two long pulls from his cigarette, he clears his throat and speaks for the first time. "Were you waiting long?," he asks and before I can respond his eyes have already darted away from me and he is turning around in his chair in order to survey the entire patio. "Are you expecting someone else," I find myself saying out loud. He shakes his head, and slides lower down into his chair. "No, I just like to look," he sheepishly confesses. After a few more nervous drags from his Camel, he stomps out the burning cherry in the ashtray and then proceeds to grind the butt in repeatedly until it is fully extinguished. He then adjusts himself again, but this time he pulls himself up in the chair and begins looking straight ahead directly at me. He has a healthy stock of brown hair that maintains a curious existence as most of it lays civilly on the top of his head, but around the sides and back wisps of hair unfurl and curl several times over. He's just staring blankly now, and the more he sits still the more obvious it becomes that his face may be crooked and one of his eyes may be larger than the other one. Before having enough time to dwell on this, he clears his throat hesitantly and then clears it again. "Have you heard the new Grizzly Bear album yet?," he asks in a deliberate kind of way. "No, I haven't had the chance. How is it? What do you think?," I reply. Here I am the journalist, and he's already asked more questions then I have. "Oh, well its really good. Like really good. I was hoping you had heard it because then we would have something to talk about," he says as begins to motion towards a waiter and then proceeds to mimic the necessary motions meant to symbolize pouring a cup of coffee. "Thank you. Thank you very much," he says as the waiter approaches with said cup of coffee. I'm determined to get this interview done so I make a dull attempt at starting up some kind of dialogue. "I've heard that you like a lot of popular music. What do you think of Lady Gaga?," I ask this earnestly while hoping that something will register on his unexpressive face. He squints, and then shakes his head in such a manner that causes his hair to shimmy from side to side before coming to a rest. "I mean, she's not that bad. 'Just Dance' was an absolute radio killer, and besides she dresses in this zany way and she refuses to wear pants. I guess the worst thing that could be said about her is that she is probably more interesting than her music," he says. His words come across as deliberately chosen, but speaks with a rushed delivery so it sounds like he is saying much more than he actually is. "I'm more of a Katy Perry fan to tell you the truth. People were complaining that 'I Kissed A Girl' broke the Beatles' record for most weeks at #1 but I think that was a blessing. I mean, shit if that song hadn't broken the record then 'Lollipop' would have and do you really want to live in a world where a thinly-veiled ode to blow jobs is the longest running #1 single in history? I think not. Girls kissing girls sells much better then blow job believe it or not. And that song worked so well because it sounded like all the other generic shit you hear on the radio but it had the added bonus of having quasi dirty lyrics. It really was a masterful work," he pauses for a split second and then continues. "When I was in college, I read this book called Nightwood and in it everyone is all obsessed with this one character. In every chapter and on every page, all the characters would spend their time talking about this one particular character. Men and women alike were in love with this woman, but despite all the hype she never really appeared to the reader. Other people saw her and hung out with her so they could describe what had happened, but the character in question never actually spoke or anything," he says assuredly as he proceeds to light another Camel. "What does that have to do with Katy Perry," I ask. "Oh, right," he says in between drags. "Well, when I was reading that book I began to get the impression that this story could be retold in a modern setting and that the main character could just a pop star and that she could be described via magazine articles and infatuation. The only thing that would have to be changed would be the end because in the book," he pauses for a second almost like he is embarrassed. "In the book, the main character turns into a dog and then devours one of her lovers," he finally finishes. All I can manage to say is "Hm", and now I'm the one looking nervously around the room.